Person of Interest - Gary Ningkan

I think this will be a world first. Indeed no critic or reviewer has ever had the idea (and the balls to go with it) to rate another person neither alive nor dead. Considered taboo or just plain rude in some culture, the thought of it just seems ridiculous. In this next entry however, I shall break that cycle and review one of my closest acquaintances...

Gary Ningkan

Born in the city of Kuching early '88, Gary came into this world a mere 3.2kg in the form of a baby boy closely resembling a Wolverine action figure. Growing up, Gary was the only boy in the family and at times seemed confused about his sexuality. It was believed that he once went around his house in a tutu prancing about like a little fairy (BeritaBorneo 1995). The boy was said to have suffered from a very common illness of having awful taste in clothing and fashion. Regularly seen sporting a beret-like hat in public, despite his ugly and vicious mug, Gary has been known to squeal at the sight of blood and is absolutely afraid of spiders.

Gary: Absolutely dangerous when provoked. Please do not feed him peanuts or candy floss. Source: NPhotography

 

 

 

Partying like a rockstar with unknown substance on his face (Source: BeritaBorneo)

Gary, perhaps most popular for his role as current President of PDRS (a local party based in Kuching that claims to be political but trendy and hip both at the same time) was not always a good contributing member of society. During his college years, Gary was known as 'the man to befriend' on campus as he was able to get you everything and anything that you could possibly ask for. Codenamed 'Psycho G' by the police, Gary was a local go-to for most people in need of a quick fix. Popular amongst the girls, Gary was a ladies man. He would work underground all day and party all night but somehow managed to avoid local authorities. Also known for his lavish ways of life, rumor has it that he once bought a toilet seat signed by the guitarist from Genesis.

Gary at the height of his career as the head of a syndicate

 However, everything soon took a turn for the worst. Gary's underground syndicate was raided by local police with the help of a whistleblower from inside which was not known then but now we can reveal it to be none other than Pete. Gary managed to evade police but was soon living on streets with nothing but what he had on. He has not been caught and is still on the run until today. The last known location where Gary was spotted is a hotel in southern Kuching according to eye witnesses.

Shortly after this picture was taken, Gary was arrested by local police for allegedly indecently exposing himself in public. Both Gary and his buddy, Pete WTF, were taken into custody (Source: NPhotography)

This last known photo of Gary, charging his laptop in the corridor of a hotel. It was taken by a hotel guest who recognized Gary from the newspaper. Norman (the photographer) managed to take this shot and Gary was said to have reacted all violent and chased Norman down the corridor of the hotel before leaving the scene. He is still at large.

Police drawing of what Gary might look like 20 years from now

If you have seen Gary or know of any information that may lead to his arrest, please do not hesitate to call your local police.



With this, I rate Gary's life so far, a miserable 2 stars out of 5.

*This review is merely a joke and is not meant to be taken seriously. Or is it? Hmmm.....